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If you’ve ever coached a friend through a breakup or helped a co-worker figure out how to manage your difficult boss, you know how good it can feel to give someone wanted, genuinely helpful advice: that warm, fuzzy knowledge that you made a difference. The quiet pride in having someone seek out your thoughts. The satisfaction of realizing you actually know what you’re talking about.
In fact, mounting evidence suggests that giving advice benefits the giver as much as (or even more than) the receiver, particularly when it comes to achieving your own goals.
In one 2018 study, for example, middle schoolers who gave motivational advice to younger students spent more time on homework over the following month than their peers who received advice from teachers, and 72% of participants said they found giving advice to be more motivating than getting it. In another study from 2019, randomly chosen students assigned to dole out advice on classroom success got consistently higher grades than their peers in the control group.
The benefits aren’t limited to students. In the same 2018 study, researchers found that people struggling to save money or lose weight were more motivated in pursuit of their goals when they advised others on how to achieve the same thing. Another study of participants working on a stressful math task showed that people who gave the most support to teammates had reduced stress activation in their brains. No matter what you’re trying to accomplish, research suggests that advising others in the same boat could give you the drive and confidence you need to move forward.
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How exactly does this virtuous circle operate? There are a number of possible reasons: Advocating for your beliefs in the context of offering support to others can strengthen those beliefs, which could be a motivating force. And since giving good advice requires some degree of personal reflection, helping someone else come up with a plan for success can prompt people to think of steps toward success in their own lives.
But research suggests the main ingredient in the advice-giving formula is increased motivation stemming from increased confidence. Think of it this way: When you’re helping someone else overcome a problem, you’re forced to take stock of your own knowledge and experience in that area, which will bolster your self-esteem and give you a push to keep going yourself.
“When we are struggling with something, we often know the best course of action but struggle with the discipline needed to make that happen,” says psychologist Lauren Eskreis-Winkler, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Chicago and the author of the 2019 study. “Positioning someone as a giver increases the giver’s confidence and, in turn, motivation.”
Ayelet Fishbach, a professor of behavioral science and marketing at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, says there’s a powerful effect to mentally positioning yourself as an “expert” in an area you have experience with.
For example, if you’re struggling to get your child to sleep through the night, recommending a book about sleep training to another new parent will remind you of all you’ve read on the subject, which may empower you to reorganize and apply that information in your own household. If you’ve worked hard to come up with a plan for paying off student loans, sharing your budget spreadsheet with a friend in the same situation could motivate you to stick to the financial plan you’ve created.
“Often, we don’t realize we have the information or the power to do something, which stops us from doing something about situations in our lives,” Fishbach says. “For many of the struggles we face on a daily basis, it’s really about looking inside and finding the power and knowledge.”
Parents know this technique works well with kids. Asking an older sibling to offer advice to a younger sibling is advanced parenting. “If a child is struggling to complete homework, for example, a parent might ask them to share advice they would give a younger sibling,” Eskreis-Winkler suggests. The big brother or sister is likely to get their own homework done, too.
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All that said, not all advice has a salutary effect. Sometimes it can be self-serving or simply unhelpful, like a platitude with no tactical element. And sharing your thoughts unsolicited can have a damaging effect on your relationships and the way you’re perceived — no one likes a know-it-all trying to tell them how to parent or do their job. To truly reap the benefits of advice-giving, the first caveat is to make sure it’s always falling on receptive ears. Here are a few others.
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Fishbach says you’ll get the most out of sharing advice in a specific context: when you have the information you need to do something but not necessarily the motivation. “As a general rule, it would be something people are spending time and energy thinking about that might not quite live up to what they want to achieve,” she says.
For instance, if you want to figure out how to impress your boss, compile some tips for a new employee in your department on how to get along well with her.
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Sharing your opinion on a Facebook thread isn’t the same as sharing your real-life experience. Since the motivation bump comes from gaining more confidence, you’ll likely see only positive changes in areas where you’re sharing concrete ways you’ve overcome or are trying to overcome your own challenges.
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Sharing your best productivity tips on a message board could be just as motivating to you as sitting down with a co-worker in person, even if it doesn’t feel as personally rewarding. In Eskreis-Winkler’s study, the students giving advice had never met the students who would be receiving their advice.
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If you experience a confidence boost from sharing your experience, find ways to apply it to your area of struggle, Fishbach says. For example, if you talk a friend through your go-to meal-planning routine but haven’t been staying on top of weeknight cooking yourself, take advantage of your feeling of expertise by making a grocery list and taking a trip to the store.
Done well, advice is a reminder to both parties — the one talking and the one listening — of what they’re capable of.
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